Bruises

Things I suck at:

1. Hitting the high notes
2. Doing cats eye make-up
3. Having a full functioning heart
4. Math
5. Chemistry
6. Having ovaries that work for IVF
7. Playing the tuba
8. Zumba
9. Rhythmic gymnastics
10. Being able to carry a baby 

Why am I able to talk about some of these, while others hide like the elephant in the room? Why is it OK to be bad at Zumba, but people feel it’s taboo to talk about infertility, the cure for Zumba is classes, the cure for infertility is not talking about it. Too often we worry about how our words will impact someone who is grieving, saying or doing the wrong thing that we tread around the issue. There is a song by one of my favorite bands (Train) called “Bruises” in it, the singer says.

“These bruises 
Makes for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses-we all got bruises
We all got bruises.”

            It takes a great deal of courage to be able to face your fears. To be able to openly state what scares you. Recently, I confronted one of my biggest fears. The painstaking anxiety that came with it, as well as the pain I felt having to open old wounds again, is nothing that words can describe. I think the reason people don’t talk about the heavy issues, is because it hurts so much before it starts to get better. First you have to process, but then you have to feel it all again to begin to heal. Confronting my fears, allowed me to revisit some deep bruises, bruises caused by both my failures, as well as ones caused by others. Once it was all over though, I felt lighter. It brought me a sense of closure, and I felt complete. My point is sometimes talking about the pain can help us recover. The recovery isn’t over night, but it’s gradual. You won’t notice it a day later, or even a week later, but you will feel different, at least I did.

October is a big month for women. It’s breast cancer awareness month, domestic violence awareness month, and infant and pregnancy loss awareness month.  In my opinion October should be dubbed, the month of women, or, more accurately, the month of survivors. October represents overcoming obstacles, celebrating strength, and coming together to overcome any struggle. Here is the reality, and I am sorry if this offends, but only one of the things October recognizes is talked about. The other two are taboo, or result in some severe judgment. Because of this, people shy away from sharing their stories. I have not been in abusive relationships, but I know people who have, and I have seen the power and courage it took for them to walk away.  

I have never lost and infant, but I know people who have, and I have seen how it devastates them, and I know that it forever changes them.  For this month, I ask that you turn away from our story and read the story of others, check out http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/, for their guest writer series on infant and pregnancy loss. Read to learn more, read to start the movement to talk about the elephant in the room, to encourage others to share their stories, to show their bruises, so we can all begin to heal, together.