Why?

Now that everyone has had a chance to celebrate our happy news, I thought I'd dive a little deeper into the question that I'm sure many of you have thought after we decided on surrogacy. Why? If you are reading this blog you are either a) friend or family b) someone considering surrogacy c) someone with that has been looking into another way to have a child. Because of the audience of this blog, I feel compelled to share with you the reasons I decided on surrogacy. B's reasons are different, and if he chooses to share them, he will. 

While we were going through the process of deciding on surrogacy, adoption, or pregnancy, I came across people on both ends of the spectrum. There were those people who didn't want me to risk anything, and there were those who looked at the odds and said, "Those aren't very big percentages, and you've beaten them before, don't let fear make your decision for you." Whatever camp you were or are in, that is your choice, but the decision was so much more than that. 

Why would I, someone with a doctor's blessing, choose to not carry my own child? The answer is simple, because while I would love to experience pregnancy. I want to be a mom even more. A mom isn't just someone who carries you inside of them; a mom is there. They are a shoulder to cry on, a voice of reason, someone to have spa days with, to laugh with and cry with, and I want to be that. I will not only get to see my child's first breath, but I will get to see every great accomplishment, or failure they experience. I will be there. My love for them will not be any less.

When I found out that I could have children, I felt torn. Part of me was thrilled because I wanted it so bad, but part of me was dark. The numbers and statistics ruined the joy for me (stupid data), the data made me possibly lose out on being a mom, which to me is a far greater reward. I understand that no one knows his or her expiration date, but I didn't want to be sick, or have anything ruin the time I have with my child. I want to be given as much time as I can to see what kind of person they become. 

It was not a decision we came to easily, and yes, there are times when I am sad to think about the things I will miss out on, but then I remember, I get something better. I get to be a mom, not only that, but with our friend carrying this baby, I know they will take care of it as if they were their own child. They are not far away, so I can watch my child develop and be there for all of the milestones, as if it was my pregnancy. Basically, while my baby grows in her, it will grow in my heart. 

In closing I want to share a quote from Sheryl Crow that captures my reasoning so perfectly. "Little souls find their way to you, whether they are from your womb, or someone else's"