On Tuesday I received a phone call from the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) at Northwestern, but was unable to get in touch with her that day. Thankfully, I came home to an email from my cardiologist, saying that he had spoken to her, given me cardiac clearance, created a game plan, and written our legal letter saying that surrogacy is medically necessary. That got several of our ducks in a row. From my conversation with him, I learned that I will be put on blood thinners (what's one more shot), and need to see him during my STIM cycle. Due to the close monitoring, they are thinking June for our retrieval and transfer. Through my research I know that due dates are 266 days from retrieval, so that put our possible due date at March 18, 2015! Needless to say, I was ecstatic.
The next day however, things came to a crumbling halt, when I did get in touch with the RE. It seems that even though I have my clearance, and a game plan, my ovarian reserve test came back low. Most women my age are at a 2, and I am at a .2. This complied with my super secret hidden ovaries, was not the best thing to see. Those of you who know me can imagine what a tizzy this sent me into. Not all hope is lost however, just a few more hurdles for me to cross. Because of my existing condition, the RE wants me to see a geneticist, to make sure it's not anything genetic going on because of my heart. The chances of that are very, very slim, but we have to rule out the scary options before we can arrive at the right conclusion. The RE told me that she has seen numbers like this with women who have been on the pill for a long time, and it is a false negative. So that is the assumption we are going with, but until I see the geneticist, and get my ultrasound we won't know for sure. I feel confident that is the case, because with the amount of times I've been opened up, looked at, prodded, and poked, someone would have noticed something was amiss. It's scary for sure, as I don't know what that low number can indicate if it is an accurate read, but I feel confident that everything will be ok. I was very lucky to get in to see both the geneticist and ultrasound people next week, so we will have answers by then!
Twenty-four hours later, we found out our surrogate cleared the psych portion of her qualifications. Although we weren't worried at all, this amazing news only reassured me that everything is going to work out. I felt a major weight lift when I got the message. It was quite a different emotion then the day before! We are working on scheduling our group meeting to be done with the psych aspect of this. Again, major ducks to get in a row.
With that weight off our shoulders we can start to focus on the legal aspects of this, since we can't medically transfer or do any IVF until all of us have legal representation. We met with a lawyer, and loved her. I knew it was meant to be when I said that our surrogate "volunteered as tribute" and the lawyer replied, "from district 12?" Match made in heaven. Not only that but meeting with her was like meeting with myself. She went through everything we needed to have and told us the steps to get there. We talked about several things that B and I weren't aware of, but we are now. We have to get several documents for that contract to begin, so we will be working on that this week, and in the future. One of the major things we need is a will for our hypothetical baby. It's very strange to think about if we hypothetically die, who gets this hypothetical child, and things of that nature. It makes the situation much more real, which again is exciting! Our surrogate too has contact a lawyer, and will be meeting with her next week. It seems like things are really coming together.
In reflecting on this week, lots of emotions come to mind. Excitement, fear, anxiety, and hope. Nothing in my life has ever been easy, and I have to remind myself of that from time to time. Then I also remember how incredible lucky I am to have the people around me during this. The fact I have someone willing to carry my child is still overwhelming. Although we hit a few hiccups, the fact remains that I will get to be a mom, someday soon. I don't believe in signs too much, but I do find that recently there have been neon light flashing in my face saying this is the right choice. I've seen about five TV shows about surrogacy, just while I've been channel surfing. My surrogate has encountered people who are being surrogates for their friends right now. Deep down, I know that this will work, and if I had any doubt, I was texting with our surro this week and she sent me this picture.
She got this fortune cookie the day she offered to be our surrogate, and keeps it in her purse as a reminder that everything will be OK. As I said, I'm not one to look for signs, but this gives me hope, and being the analytical over analyzer I am, I can't help but notice it is pink :). This strip of paper gives me hope, and confidence to keep pressing forward. It ties in nicely with a bible verse that I remind myself of daily during this process, and it's the quote I will leave you with today. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
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