Jonah and the Whale

In reflecting on the events during our journey, I have come up with a new theory. I love a good theory, and the chance to name something. I dub this theory "Jonah and the Whale." On the Sunday before we had to stop our process, my priest gave an incredible sermon regarding listening to God's call. At the time, when I listened to it, it just reaffirmed my faith that surrogacy was our right choice. Then God laughed, and said no, no! The past few days have given me a chance to reflect on the meaning behind several key events, and that it may have been God's gentle way of saying, this is not your path.

Allow me to back up. Everyone knows the story of Jonah and the Whale, right? God tells Jonah to go to Nivee, Jonah says, I think not, and gets on a boat. The boat is traveling the opposite direction of Nivee. Jonah's way of saying "suck it God." Then a terrible storm happens, and Jonah gets eaten by a whale, and spit up on the shores of Nivee. As my priest put it, this was God enacting his plan. When God calls us to do something, or speaks to us, he says we can do this the easy way if you listen. Or he says, you're not listening so now it's the hard way. Throughout this process there have been challenges, sure. We have done whatever we can to avoid those challenges and fix them. Looking at them now, maybe it was God's way of saying turn back; this is not your path. The first issue, not finding my ovaries would have made my retrieval more difficult. Second and third, my AMH and FSH levels, they labeled me as a poor responder, but NW gave me one shot. We knew with those numbers though, that we wouldn't get a lot of follicles from me, or that the IVF drugs may not work at all. Our surrogate too had obstacles she had to face too. Finally, the events of Monday unfolded and we had to stop our process entirely. Maybe that was God's last straw, maybe he said, enough of you not listening to me!

In the large scheme of things, this could have been a blessing in disguise, what if I didn't respond to the drugs, what if she didn't get pregnant, and we didn't have any extra embryos to try again? Those would have been far more painful then just stopping the process. When you frame this in the idea of Jonah and the Whale, it makes a lot more sense. After all it is THY will be done, and what do we know, we are only human. B and I are still figuring things out, and taking some time off, so this will be our last post for a while, but I promise, once we figure out his will, and our path, we will be back on our journey to be a Mommy and Daddy. 

Once again thank you for all of your kind words, support, and encouragement. Although we are grieving, we know that we have an incredible support in the people around us.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6."