Fear Factor Episode 2

Hello All,

In keeping with our Fear Factor theme, I am happy to introduce this weeks post to you all. The best part? It's from my better half! Take it away B!

"Only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Good ole FDR. All good papers start with a quote right? I thought I would try and borrow from my high school English days. L is writer, not me, so I apologize for the lack of creativity and writing ability in my post. I guess the fear of Japanese invasion during WWII is a little different then the fear of adoption. Thankfully WWII is over, unfortunately, our adoption process is just beginning. One of my biggest fears in pursuing adoption is not being prepared.

Most couples have nine (ish) months to get ready for a baby. Me? I might just wake up one day to a phone call telling me to come pick up our baby. I would probably think I was dreaming at first, and then fall back asleep thinking that I'd gotten up and was on my way to the hospital. You laugh, but it's happened before. One time when L and I were dating, she asked me to close a window at night, and I swore up and down that I did it. In reality I hadn't even left the bed. When we get the call L will be the one to make sure I stay awake, because she won't be composed enough to drive. My guess is that she will have a list, but I don't know what to bring. What if we don't have everything? You can't go buy things if it's super later at night. The anxiety will be very high that day. Thankfully, the law doesn't allow you to take your child home for 72 hours, so we can get ourselves together a little bit. Then there is always the chance that they may not sign over their rights, so we will have to wait to buy stuff until we know the baby is ours to take home.

It's not just being prepared with all of the materials you need for a brand new baby. It's also not being prepared mentally. In the course of answering the phone, I will go from B, feeder of the animals (who usually remind me if I forget) to being responsible for a baby that I am afraid I will break if I touch it. On top of all that, this baby won't know me. It hasn't heard my voice for the past nine months. It hasn't met me yet. What do I wear? Is it casual, formal, work casual, semi-formal? What if I over dress, will the baby think I'm some stuck up loser? What if the baby cries when I hold it, and my voice can't soothe it, because it's just a sound to them? 

Although, some of this is just normal fear of a new parent, it's different with adoption. There is the added element of the unknown, and of jinxing it by trying to be prepared. If you prep too early, and it falls through, there is a constant reminder of your loss. The reason being unprepared scares me so much is that I am a creature of habit, and love staying in my comfort zone. I don't order different dishes when I go out to eat; I do my hair the same way everyday. It's what I know, and it's what I am used to. Change takes time and planning. This change will come over night, and my comfort zone will be forced to expand quicker than it ever has. All of my routines and habits will be altered by one ring. Remember, some adoptive parents don't find out they have been matched with a birth mother until she is in labor, so there is a possibility that we won't even know the due date. The fact that I could wake up one morning, eat my cereal and go to work, then come home as a Dad, scares me, because how can I become a parent in just nine hours?

Even though, a lot of adoption is out of our control, I know that we can prepare for what we have control over, and that L and I will be good parents. Whenever that phone rings, it will be life changing, but changing for the better.