Fear Factor Episode 4

I will preface this post by saying two things. First, I am immensely proud of B for putting this out there, as I know this topic scares him, and was very difficult for him to discuss. Second, I found through my research that most (if not all) adoptive couples experience this fear as well. I would even venture to guess that it is one of the most common fears that people experience overall. I would even venture to say that it's not specific to adoption. It is the fear of bonding with a baby. With that being said, B's gonna take it to the bridge (JT style).

As L's slightly weird introduction stated, my biggest fear with adoption is the issue of attachment (or bonding with the baby). I've had numerous discussions with L about it. When I first mentioned it to her, she told me that I was being ridiculous (in so many words). At one point, she stated that we had two adopted dogs, and I was attached them, so how was a baby different? At our first adoption meeting, she asked the social worker, if many people were scared of feeling bonded with the baby. The social worker told her that almost everyone has that fear. I think this eased L's fears more than mine. 

The reality of the situation is that this baby will be a stranger, and I have no idea what I am doing. What if they don't like me? What if I don't feel that paternal bond wash over me when the baby is placed in my arms? This isn't to say that I don't want a baby, or to be a Dad. It just means that I'm scared that this infant will reject me. 

As I stated in my other post, we don't have the nine months to prepare for this baby, so I will be thrown into fatherhood, and so far my only plan is to sing "Sweet Child O' Mine" to the baby on the car ride home. What if they hate the sound of my voice? What if my face makes them cry? What if they hate "Sweet Child O' Mine?" The bottom line is I am terrified of not feeling that instant click everyone talks about, simply because of biology. There are thousands of articles out there about bonding, and I know L is pouring over them, so I will be prepared to try, and I will try everyday, but what if I don't succeed? My fear, much like L's is not resolved, and won't be until that little guy (or gal) is hanging out crib side. 

L's note: In spite of my efforts to reassure B, I know this is a very real fear for him, and several others. The important thing to note is that blood is the smallest part of what makes someone a parent. I know that B has much insecurity in this regard, but I also know that they will all wash away when that pinkish/grayish bundle of love is looking up at him. Thinking about that moment, makes my heart so full it could burst. He's going to be an awesome Dad. There are so many ways to bond with your baby (even if you are the biological parent). Check out some tips for bonding here: http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2014/09/6-ways-to-bond.html

*update-shortly after this posted, someone shared this with me. I think it fits perfectly.